


Liability

by spacefucker



Series: 30 Day Challenge (Marvel) [5]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Admission of love, CA:CW never happened, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Steve is an Asshole, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide contemplation, bc it's awful, talk about suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:39:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8130713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacefucker/pseuds/spacefucker
Summary: Anymore it seems like Steve just plain hates Tony. It all comes down one day when Tony can't take the fights anymore. He sits on the roof for what feels like ages before going back in and having an actual talk with Steve.





	

**Author's Note:**

> *Warning* 
> 
> suicidal themes. read my tags.

Tony was sitting on top of Stark Tower and seriously considering jumping.

He couldn’t tell if he was numb or feeling too much at once. Maybe it was a little bit of both, like some sort of ugly fluctuation. A part of himself was so incredibly angry that Steve’s words had affected him this much. Another part agreed and the last bit was trying desperately to yell ‘He’s wrong!’ over the din of everything else.

His chest ached and he rubbed a hand over it, feeling the mottled scar that took up the space the arc reactor left, and he chewed on his cheek. Maybe he was being melodramatic. It wouldn’t be the first time he was blamed for doing so. Problem was, he didn’t feel that way. Anytime he was ever accused of being dramatic he felt like he was just being emotionally honest. Sure, he could be over-the-top but that was usually on purpose. To detract attention from something else.

But he didn’t like being called dramatic. He didn’t like being told he was a burden. So instead of fighting this time he just left. It was strange to hear their echoing words rise to a crescendo before stopping suddenly when Tony had just given up. They’d had this fight before. He could probably recite Steve’s argument verbatim.

Steve could be right. Tony was willing to admit that. He had to listen to it after almost every mission. Steve would just lay into him about how selfish he was. Steve had said that every time he chose to skirt orders he put his team and civilians in danger.

Tony ran the numbers every time, though. He knew every probability. There was never a point in which Tony avoided orders for his own gain. It was always because he knew he had even the barest of chances on saving someone. Because when Tony was out in the field and lost someone, when he couldn’t quite make it, every one of those deaths were tucked away in his mind. They played over and over while he tried desperately to figure out what he could have done. He did his best to find out those names so that he could go over the growing list of people he’d let down and who their families were.

_“You’re selfish, Tony.”_

It felt like he couldn’t do anything right.

Every harsh word came with an additional slap, too. For a while he felt like Steve and he were getting somewhere. They’d become friends faster than originally thought. In a way, it almost seemed like Steve appreciated Tony for handling him like a person instead of an artifact. They’d gone to lunch together, dinner, met up for breakfast. Tony had made him new armor, gotten him art supplies, and even made him his favorite recipe from scratch one night.

He didn’t understand how he was selfish but the accusation cut him to the core anyway.

So he turned from the building’s edge and walked back inside. He rode the elevator down in silence, feeling the pull to be in his workshop like a deep, visceral need. His hands itched to build. Building things always had a way about them that calmed his mind.

Instead of meeting his blissfully empty workshop he found it to be populated by Steve himself. He had to swallow down the sudden need to just turn around and leave and instead settled for a sigh. He was hoping that there wouldn’t be another fight but he was willing to fight if it meant getting his workspace back. But he hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

“Look,” Tony began, hoping to keep Steve from laying into him again, “I’m exhausted and would just like to do some work, ok?”

Steve gives him a look, “I wanted to talk to you, Tony.”

“The last time you said that you ended up yelling at me.” Tony sniffs, “I remember the words ‘inconsiderate, selfish, and liability’ the best.”

“I was angry.”

Tony frowned and walked from the elevator door to his main workbench, giving Steve a wide berth, and turned when he got there to look at Steve with his arms crossed.

“You’re always angry when you talk to me anymore.”

Steve mirrors his frown, “Not always, Tony. Look, you just frustrate me is all.”

“That’s so much better.” Tony huffs.

“Can you just…” Steve sighs and shuffles his feet. “Can I come closer?”

Tony shrugs. Steve moves closer, walking slowly like he’s afraid of spooking him, and comes to stand a few feet from Tony. He’s picking at his fingernails like he does when he’s nervous and Tony’s frown deepens.

“What?”

Steve does his best to look in his eyes, “I’m sorry, really, for yelling at you. For every time I’ve done it. Tony, you have to believe me when I say that it’s because I’m worried. Every time we go out on a mission I worry because I know that something is going to happen and you’re always the first person to throw your body at the problem.”

“This is a lot coming from the guy who threw his own body on a grenade once.”

“That’s different.”

Tony scoffs, “It is the same exact thing.”

Steve runs a hand through his hair and looks away, collecting his thoughts, before he eyes Tony again.

“Do I need to spell this out for you?”

Tony raises an eyebrow, “Only if you want me to understand.”

“I worry about you.” Steve sighs. “It’s like you don’t care whether or not you live or die.”

Tony doesn’t respond.

“Oh, Tony.” Steve sounds a little wrecked. “Please tell me you care.”

Tony shrugs, “I figure it’s a win-win. You’re always calling me a liability. I may as well be the cannon fodder. One more problem solved for you.”

“Is that what you think? You think that I want you to be my front-line man? That I couldn’t care either way whether or not you live or die?”

“Yes?” Tony answers but it ends up sounding more like a question.

Steve looks completely wrecked now, “Why?”

“Because of the way you treat me!” Tony yells and then reels himself in. “With the way you’ve been getting on to me and telling me how awful I am, I have honestly been waiting for my walking papers along with a burn notice.”

“I love you.” Steve blurts and he goes all pink. “I love you, Tony, and I get that way because every time you do something like that I remember how much I love you and I panic. I can’t lose you.”

Tony is shocked into silence. Steve shuffles nervously from foot to foot and crosses his arms over his chest.

“Please say something.”

“That’s not fair.” Tony manages. “You don’t get to yell at me, make me feel like shit, and then just say that.”

Steve deflates, “I know. I’m sorry. I should have handled this better. I was afraid and I didn’t know at the time what to do with that.”

Tony runs his hands over his face, “You made me feel like a piece of shit.”

“And I’m sorry. So sorry.” It almost sounds like Steve barely manages to hold back a sob. “I should have known…I could’ve…Tony, please don’t tell me you’d be ok with dying.”

Tony shrugs, “You and the whole team treat me like I’m just this big, narcissistic asshole. I have nothing left but my team and my team can’t stand me.”

“What?” Steve half laughs, half sobs, “The team loves you. Clint and Natasha are the ones who sent me down here to wait on you. Hell, even Sam told me I was being an ass.”

“That sounds super fake but ok.”

Steve takes a step forward, “They’ll tell you. Tony, you have a whole family here that would be crushed if anything happened to you. That’s why you get me so worked up. I literally do not know what I would do if you died.”

“Don’t yell at me.” Tony says, gravely, then clears his throat. “Don’t yell at me anymore.”

“I can do that.” Steve says, voice soft as he takes another step forward. “I’m so sorry. I’ll do whatever you need.”

Tony doesn’t say anything, he just rests his head on Steve’s chest, closing the last little bit of space between them. He’s big enough to admit there are tears gathering in his eyes.

“Don’t put me on that ledge, Steve.” Tony’s voice cracks. “I already feel like I’m on the roof half the time and it’s like I’m just waiting for that one thing to send me over.”

“You can talk to me about this, you know.” Steve brings his hands up to rub Tony’s back. “You can talk to anyone on the team. We’re all here for you.”

“I know that now.”

Steve sighs and pulls Tony into a tight hug, “I’ve been there, too. Sometimes I go back to that feeling here and there. I’m sorry that I’ve been a part of that grief, Tony.”

“I love you, too, you know?”

“No, but I do now.” Steve laughs.

Tony smiles into Steve’s chest and says, “You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah.” Steve is rocking them back and forth, “And you’re so self-sacrificing it’s infuriating.”

“So we both have shit to work through.”

Steve smiles, “Yeah.”


End file.
